These pieces document the exploration of my personal fears and anxieties, investigating what makes them frightening and if they are linked to each other. Though giving these fears a place outside of myself proved helpful by having stress leave my body, by changing the form of some fears, I started to take power from them. This turned my pieces into something softer and less intimidating, instead of something that will induce the same fear into others. Diminishing their power over me was therapeutic, not only due to the stress relief that resulted in the process of making the pieces, but also with the mental strength I gained from overcoming my fears.
Artificial Intimates - 61 x 24 x 5 - canvas, acrylic paint, plastic bags, glue, pill bottle, plastic forks, bubble wrap, water bottles
Orb and Sceptre - 54 x 35 x 7 - Top: 1 pair jeans, thread, acrylic paint Bottom: 4 pairs jeans, thread, acrylic paint
In My Head & In My Bed - 53 x 21 x 7 (each) - old clothes from closet: a dress, a sweatshirt, a cummerbund, and 2 sweaters, felt, and yarn for hat
...and Back Down Again - 9 x 5 x 1.5 - cardboard, construction paper from when I was a kid, polymer clay, a pill bottle, glue
Tea Party! - 40.5 x 25 x 4 - polymer clay, paper, pencil, hot glue, thrifted teacups and utensils, tissue paper, acrylic paint
As I worked through the year, I realized that most of my fears had something to do with lack of control. While some of my pieces helped me accept that it was okay to not be able to control everything, others show my frustration at this. eternally adolescent!, ...and back down again, and artificial intimates were my favorite pieces to make, as I did not try to control my emotions, instead, I just let them out. This put into perspective the things in my life I can control, like my own reactions, and those that I cannot, like the unpredictable, other's potentially harmful actions, and the passing of time.
The All-American Textile! - 43 x 18 x 7 - my brothers old ripped jeans, thread, zipper
My different ways of handling my fears shifted randomly, shown by the ordering of my pieces. The total projects themselves have no set media, as I found the materials that fit each individual emotion and idea. Pill bottles and hand drawn portraits became a symbol of my anxiety while plastics and artificial materials showed my anger at lack of control. Glass, marbles, and chess pieces were used to show the fragility of social situations. These all contrast the natural materials like fabric and paper that were used to change my fears into a softer piece.
Shown above are some self-portraits I made during quarantine. I found it difficult to get motivation to do a project or find ideas that inspired me, so, a few days a month, I would draw pictures of myself in different moods to feel more accepting of myself when I was feeling any emotion, even when my moods were down.
Cumulonimbus - 46 x 57 x 5 - cardboard, paper, foam, tape, stuffing, wire, watercolors, markers, lemons, fabric, and envelopes